Slow Children At Play, Player Profile #25

Allow me to be self serving for just a little while. As a college student, one of the few perks is being able to participate in intramural sports. I am now a senior, and have been playing basketball every semester since I arrived at UConn. Our team name, "Slow Children At Play" really describes us to a "t", we are slow.

Anyhow, on to the important part, in our first 3 years of playing basketball we failed to make the playoffs each season, but now in our senior year, we have hit our stride and made it into the playoffs. We won our first two games in the playoffs now placing us squarely into the Elite 8 of B-League intramural. It is now my greatest athletic accomplishment, surpassing my lip out hole-in-one effort, in which I skipped a 3-iron 4 times over a pond from 115 yards and my half-court horse heave in the Basketball Hall of Fame, in Springfield, Mass. Our team has meshed beautifully and we are a force to be reckon with. Now, I will move on to the player profile of our Slow Children at Play.

Jeff R. Weeden
#25, point guard
6'0", 190 lbs
Senior
Lynn, Mass.

Jeff has been a court general for 3 years leading the Slow Children to numerous victories. Although not a scoring threat of any kind, Jeff has that certain something that makes him a team leader. Some would say it is because of his rough and tumble upbringing and learning his hoops on the mean streets of Lynn. Others would say that it is because his horrible luck forces some kind of mentionable skill in his life, as insignificant as this may be. Of anyone on the Slow Children roster, Jeff has gone through the most trials and tribulations. From frisbeeing a monitor to having to wipe drunk girl vomit off of his naked chest to being arrested for duct taping a close friend. But, throughout all of this, Jeff remained a court leader and a voice of reason, gathering his troops and leading the Slow Children to victories and now, deep into the playoffs.

Jeff did have a slight hiatus with the slow children. After his sophomore year, Jeff transferred to play point guard for his fraternity team, Sigma Chi. This was a failed experiment and Jeff underwent much punishment and discrimination from his teammates. Eventhough this was not an easy time for Jeff, he didn't let it affect his play on the court.

Jeff averages almost as many points as he does turnovers, but, when you see his point totals, its not a bad thing, he leads the team in steals and assists (unofficially) and is always the emotional leader.

Jeff's favorite food is Cool Ranch Doritos
Jeff's favorite quote is "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands"
Jeff's motto is "Weeden out the competition"
Jeff's life goals are to get out of college alive, and without compiling another felony charge, also, to not lose an eyeball in a Scotty Farcas induced fight, and to pay off his ever growing credit card bills
Jeff's greatest accomplishment in life is beating yours truly on a BS tie breaker in fantasy Football this past year. Also, he once won a Easter raffle in kindergarten and won a pink bunny cake, which he and his family shared and enjoyed immensely.

The End